[Transcript by iheartmikepatton]
Mike’s pierced eyebrow epitomizes Faith No More’s finger to the world.
With a trail of trashed hotels and hospitalized fans behind them and a
singer who, ahem, doesn’t use the toilet, FNM make most grunge bands
look like The Osmonds. Simon Witter joined them on the American leg of a
tour which has now hit Britain. Photographs by Julian Broad.
Mike Patton is running wild-eyed through the foyer of Grand Rapids’ Club
Eastbrook, dragging a chunky skinhead by the collar. “Get on stage and
fucking stay there!” he shouts as they head back to the auditorium.
Tonight Patton is not the bouncers’ friend, but then security has been
winding him up something rotten. Not that it takes a lot to wind Patton
up. On stage he seems born to be intense.
“On our last tour I jumped into the crowd and broke this kid’s nose,” he
reminisces. “I tried to get him medical aid but he said he’d rather
have a t-shirt. It’s bad. What do you tell his parents? The other day I
met a guy who had a scar over his eye, just like mine. I asked him how
he got it and he said: ‘You did it to me, but it’s cool’.”
It’s better than an autographed forearm, I reassure him; at least it
won’t wash off. But Patton is inconsolable. Off stage he becomes the
kind of caring, thoughtful guy who helps old ladies across the road. And
it is this contrasting nature – like the angelic swan and the
slaughterhouse carcasses that adorn the respective sides of their album
sleeve – that characterizes everything FNM do. The day anybody
understands what this band is really about, they’ll probably hang up
their guitars for jobs at Taco Bell.
I knew something was wrong on our first meeting in Marquette, Michigan, a
picturesque, Twin Peaksy one-street town on the shores of Lake
Superior. Sheltering from the rain in a doorway, the band who trash
hotel room and shove shit in hair dryers probe relentlessly about the
state of the pound, the ERM and the future for Maastricht. It’s like one
of those Wayne’s World sketches where Wayne speaks fluent Cantonese or
Alice Cooper discourses knowledgeably about the state of world socialism
– only FNM aren’t joking: they know their stuff. I’m devastated. A real
American rock band would hardly be able to name the capital of France,
let alone understand or care about the intricacies of the ERM.
The next day in Grand Rapids I catch Patton speaking perfect Spanish and
accuse him of betraying the fundamental yank-rock tradition of
imperialist arrogance. “Hey,” he counters, in a pathetic and not
entirely serious attempt to save face, “we’re only learning Spanish so
that we’ll be able to talk about drugs and groupies in Spain.”
Repeated warnings that I would under no circumstances be allowed on to
FNM’s tour bus have left me suspicious. Its interior must either
resemble Dante’s inferno or, more likely, hide a secret that could ruin
the group’s bad-boy reputation. Hell, once aboard, FNM probably form a
knitting circle that would make the Whitby WI look like a Led Zep orgy.
FNM were born 10 years ago, when Bill Gould (bass) and Roddy Bottum
(keyboards) moved from LA to San Francisco to go to college, where they
met drummer Mike “Puffy” Bordin. The trio planned to use different
guitarists and singers for every show, but a year later had solidified
their lineup with guitarist “Big” Jim Martin and former front man Chuck
Mosely. At the time there was a thriving underground scene, but little
record company interest.
After their 1985 debut LP We Care a Lot, FNM began crisscrossing America
supporting everyone from Metallica to Red Hot Chili Peppers, but by 89
the big break still eluded them, and Mosely’s behavior – including once,
apparently, falling asleep on stage – had alienated the rest of the
group. Mosely was given the heave, Mike Patton discovered in his
hometown “void” of Eureka, California, and a deal signed with Slash
Records. MTV took the new-look FNM and their new album The Real Thing to
heart, pushing the single Epic into the US Top Five. The big time had
finally arrived, and FNM boarded the grunge train they had helped launch
and rode it for all it was worth.
From We Care a Lot (a sarcastic take on the Live Aid generation) to
Midlife Crisis (a rip-shredding look at the thirtysomething generation),
FNM’s attitude has been consistently irreverent and in-your-face, but
the music never stands still. Just when people thought they had a handle
on them, this summer the group released its third album, Angel Dust, a
baroque pomp-punk brew closer to Rush on acid than the acerbic
funk-thrash fans had come to expect.
From the all-out sickness of Be Aggressive to the syrupy sincerity of
their Midnight Cowboy cover, Angel Dust pig-headedly refuses to deliver a
follow-up hit, just as the band refused to be grateful or well-behaved
when Guns N’ Roses took them on a three-month US and European tour. FNM
are currently touring America as headliners; this month they bring their
relentless, slamming show to Britain.
Pictures and performances may suggest unity, but the band has an odd
makeup. While Mike, Puffy, and Billy are in conference at the back of
the bus, the group’s furry-freak-brother guitarist, Jim Martin, lies in a
parallel universe of his own, smirking at the puerile obscenity of an
Andrew Dice Clay video. It’s not that Jim (who played The World’s
Greatest Guitarist in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey) is any less nice
than the rest of the band – all shockingly pleasant and unpretentious –
he just appears to have joined the wrong group. In appearance and
attitude Jim seems to have zoned in on a tardis from 1975. At the
Marquette sound check he jams Led Zep riffs, while the rest of the band
are playing something completely different, and at his side of the stage
three teenage groupies dance with inappropriate abandon (rock sound
check are slightly less exciting than watching Newsnight). None of the
others would even consider entertaining groupies.
“Our manager sent us a fax the other day,” jokes Patton, “saying that
since our record isn’t doing so well, we better start hanging out with
groupies to boost sales.”
“No, we don’t do anything like that. That to me is a rotting corpse.
It’s just something that is stinking and it’s there. It’s a whole
decomposing art form.”
People know the rest of the band don’t do it – all Roddy gets is boys
saying, “Can I buy your hat?” But Jim is obviously so into it. “He does
what he does, and is constantly the butt of every joke, the scapegoat of
the band. But the weird thing is that he really IS that way.”
On-road entertainment is clearly important to a band that spends as much
time touring as FNM do, but for the other members fun, music, and
workaholism suffice. In the brief periods they have off, Patton plays
with his performance art group Mr. Bungle, while bassist Billy
moonlights as the only white member of LA’s “Mexican answer to NWA.”
Having just finished three months touring Europe and the States with
GNR, FNM are now on a headlining tour of their own, on which (for
entertainment) they had hoped to bring along Right Said Fred. “We wanted
them to tour America with us,” says Patton, “but when we shopped the
idea around the promoters – which is what you do when you set up a tour,
throw some bait in the water – the reaction wasn’t too good. It’s too
bad, cos I would go to a tour like that, out of morbid curiosity.” FNM’s
Marquette fans are heavily clothed in Ministry, Chili Peppers and
Rollins Band t-shirts. It’s hard to see any of them wanting to spend an
evening with Right Said Fred.
“It would be great!” gleams Patton. “Oh mean, there’d be brawls. But
that’s the beautiful thing. People like that should be fucked with, they
should have one arm behind their backs. They would be perfect for that.
I don’t know why we like Right Said Fred so much. Maybe it’s the
baldness – they’re so slick. They’re crass, commercial and goofy at the
same time. They’re amazing. Also the fact that they worked in a gym is
great. I love that.”
But FNM do have their fun. They always come on stage to the tacky
strains of Europe’s The Final Countdown, and play a version of the
Commodores’ Easy so sincere it almost hurts. Another similar band might
do it as a joke, but there’s not a hint of irony or camp about FNM’s
version. From Mike’s soulful croon to Jim’s searing guitar solo, this is
as true to The Commodores as FNM can humanly play it. That it gets not a
barrage of missiles, but the night’s biggest cheer, is all the more
strange in the context of FNM’s crazed teen crowd, most of whom spend
the whole show stage-diving with the frantic futility of hamsters on an
exercise wheel.
“Usually we just do songs we like,” says Patton, explaining the group’s
cover policy, “so we have to do them sincerely. If we did a Commodores
cover and chuckled at the end of it, it would make everyone else feel a
lot more comfortable with it, but that’s not the point of it at all.
It’s stuff we like and we deliberately put it between two noisy songs to
make people take a step back.”
A step back is just what FNM’s record company took when they heard the
group’s new album, calling it (rumor has it) “commercial suicide.” “I
think everyone sees Angel Dust as this big sword in our neck. A lot of
people think we’re saying ‘Fuck you!’ to what we’ve always been. In a
way that’s great, because I think bands should challenge people and
redefine themselves, but I don’t think this is that huge a departure. We
can’t go where we’ve been before. It’s fucked, it’s boring and it’s
insulting. But maybe I’m overestimating people.”
Wonderful though it is, the baroque pomp-punk brew of Angel Dust
contains neither a formula follow-up nor anything closely resembling a
hit single. “If I like a record by a band,” argues Patton, “I’ll buy
their next one just to see how they’ve become warped, that’s the most
fascinating thing. Because certain things in life just fuck you. You’ll
see someone two years after they changed jobs and they’re completely
different people. Bands are like that in microcosm, because there are
five or six people living in close quarters like rats, and the changes
that come out of that are immense.”
The changes in FNM have mainly occurred in the vocalist department.
Patton is the last, and most successful, of a string of people to fill
the position. The day FNM play Marquette, one of their former vocalists,
Courtney Love, is on TV with alternative superbeau Kurt Cobain, denying
rumors of drug dependence during pregnancy. “She was only with us for
about six months,” says Roddy, “but she’s still one of my best friends.
Being in a rock band can be a real boyish thing, and I think Courtney
quit because she found us way too macho. She needed a group who would
let her write all the songs and do everything she says, and it wasn’t
gonna be this group. She’s not in any way bitter about the success we’ve
enjoyed since she left, but then it’s not like Hole are doing so
badly.”
The next day, in Grand Rapids, Patton discovers a Mexican restaurant
where no local white folk go and dinner costs $4.50 a head. A
wall-mounted dispenser ominously labeled “Pain Relief Center” serves
four kinds of medicinal potions, and anyone who wants booze has to do so
out back in the car park. Mike has been here all day. “After food like
this, how can you not feel like a king?” he asks, as he leads me and
Billy in after the sound check.
Two days into this odyssey, and I’ve yet to see any sign that any of FNM
(bar Jim) are anything other than the kind of guys you’d want your
sister to marry. So open, trusting, kindly and hospitable. Where did
they get their reputation?
“A lot of pieces written about us,” explains Patton, “selectively edit
together all the vile and disgusting stuff, which is fine, cos nobody
wants to read about us making coffee.”
“But I don’t think we buy into a lot of the myths of what we’re doing.
We just lived with that for three months [GNR], and saw so much of it…
The whole idea that there has to be something outrageous and abnormal is
washed up and gone. I mean we do our own thing, like I don’t use
toilets – I just don’t. It’s not a wild rock n’ roll thing; it’s a hobby
– shit terrorism. I did a shit on the bench outside Charles and Diana’s
palace, but that didn’t cause any rumpus. It could have been anyone’s
shit really. The consistency wasn’t so good. It wasn’t a prizewinning
trophy.”
They’ve caused offense in other ways too. Although GNR gave them their
big break by specifically inviting them to support them on tour, FNM
hardly seemed grateful at the time. All the press generated while FnM
were touring with GNR was bursting with vitriolic attacks on Rose &
Co. They simply aren’t able to put a sock in it. “Oh, it was real ugly!”
says Billy.
“We said a lot of shit, and didn’t realize how bad it was until we got
caught. Axl was real straight with us, but it was an ugly scene. He
said: ‘It’s like I went away and came back home to find you guys fucked
my wife.’ We were thrown off the tour for five hours, but we apologized.
It was like being in the principal’s office. He said, 'I only like you
guys, Nirvana, Jane’s Addiction, and two other bands, and all of you
hate me. Why do you hate me?’” “We’re still hoping he hasn’t read some
of it,” Patton chips in. “We were just being honest, and that felt
great, but it can also get you killed. As far as the press was
concerned, we were like caged animals. They’d throw us a little bit of
meat and we’d attack. And we realized that we were the ones who were
getting screwed. The interviews that we did belonged in the National
Enquirer. We were like a gossip column rather than a band.”
Their latest diversion is a herbal health-food drug. Patton explains:
“You mix it with water to make you go to sleep, but if you have too
much, this other thing kicks in. It’s like drinking a six-pack of orange
soda and sitting in the back of a hot car. It’s a nauseating, piece of
shit high, and most people end up vomiting. But it’s fun cos you never
know what’s gonna happen. Three of us took it one day, and we ended up
sleeping with our bodies in positions they should not have been in.”
On stage in Grand Rapids he performs like someone who is no friend of
sleep, or indeed of standing up straight, lurching around the stage like
a latterday Quasimodo on speed. Afterwards it takes him ages to come
down off his natural energy high.
On the FNM coach Puffy is nodding to the Beastie Boys’ Check Your Head
as he flicks through his priceless collection of jazz and blues CDs.
Roddy Bottum is chatting with his parents, the only members of the
entourage that night not wearing Noise Husher earplugs. On the other
side of the coach windows, a girl’s lapel badge reads: “I need a good
laugh. Show me your penis!”
As the bus heads off into the night, a sweaty, musclebound 18 year old
who has been hanging around the stage door asks me how I liked the show.
“They were great,” I mutter.
“They were way better than that, man,” he says, aghast. He’s looking at
me like I just suggested his mother eats rats for a living. “They
ripped!”
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